Painful, but exciting physical therapy sessions are happening twice a day. Joe is pushing himself already to excel. His attitude remains thankful and optimistic, with occasional twinges of irritability. Understandable.
Watching him and applauding as he goes through these first days after the accident, the realization of how far he has to go before he is wholly himself again is setting in. His pain is excruciating and heartbreaking to watch. I feel like crying when he has to ask someone to scratch his foot, because he can't.
I want Joe to get up and go to school tomorrow, and then go on to work. I want him to hang out with his buddies at the high school football games, and continue bulking up for his entry into the Air Force. I want him to have a wonderful senior year of high school, full of great memories. I want to return to six days ago, the day before the car accident, and tell him to take a different route after school.
In this situation, we don't get what we want. There is no undoing that which has already been done, and God has allowed this into their lives and ours for reasons we don't yet know. As I grapple with the anger that caught me off guard-- anger at the accident, nightmares, the broken legs, the wheelchair, and the physical therapy--I just have to give it to God, because I don't know what to do with it.
How is it even possible to feel thankful, angry, and sad all at the same time? No wonder I feel so crazy. I know God understands our anger, He knows we can't see the final outcome of what is going on right now. He will comfort all of us in our anguish, if we can turn toward Him in it.
"I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul." Psalm 31:7