Monday, December 17, 2012

Gains and Losses

     Is there anyone who makes you crazy? Every time you see them, there's a misunderstanding and hurt feelings? They just don't get you? My poor Grandma must have felt that way about me.

     For sixteen years, I wanted almost nothing to do with her. I was cordial at best, and ignored her at worst. Why? A grudge. One I clutched as though my life depended on it. Perhaps a better way to say it is that my resentments and anger had a death grip on me. I no longer controlled them, but allowed them to run loose and wreak havoc in my relationships.

     I had decided that Grandma didn't love me, and nothing that woman could say or do changed the imaginary idea I had formulated in my own mind. Though she ached for a relationship with me, it only mattered that I thought she didn't.

Grandma Lola

     I see now where my immature thinking was seriously flawed, and I mourn the time I lost with her. Seven years ago, I decided to get to know Grandma, and I have never been sorry. She was a wonderful woman with lots of funny little quirks, like we all have. We went to the movies, out to lunch, hit a thrift store or two. I did some chores for her, and we went through family photo albums together.

     She was a dear woman with a wonderful sense of humor, and she made my life richer. The most important lessons Grandma taught she never spoke. She just lived them out in front of me--Let go. Let go of imaginary ideas and misunderstandings. Forgive, because people are important. Laugh whenever you can. No matter how hard life gets, press on.

     My grandma passed away this week, but what I learned through my experiences with her will stay with me forever as treasures I never let go. Our lives are nothing more than a whisper in the wind when compared with eternity. We have only a little time to impact future generations, and Grandma had a huge impact on me.

     Though Grandma lived 95 years, I knew her for seven. I would love to go back, get over myself sooner, and know her better. I choose instead to be thankful for the time and experiences we did have together. They changed my life.

     When have you been thankful you worked through anger and resentment?

     This is my top blog post for December. If you would like to share yours, you can do so at Blog Schmog by Jessie Gunderson.



  1. Many times. I applaud you for what you did and I'm so glad you had those seven years. But don't forget - she also was blessed. All of us wish we could go back and do things differently, but we learn from those experiences to make future relationships better.
    Well said...all of it. thanks for sharing.

  2. Thank you Jan : ) I really appreciate that. Doing things differently and better in the future IS the benefit.

  3. Great peace of writing. I can definitely relate to those people in my life. It's a heart issue for sure - one I struggle with almost every day.

  4. Thank you, Jess. I still struggle with many of my relationships, and definitely haven't figured it all out. Just thought I would share this story, since I learned so much from it.

  5. Grateful for those seven years and learning from your success! So sorry for your loos but I'm honored to know you and see you on the "mature side" lol. :)

  6. Thanks, Jessie. It's good to be on the mature side, but it's a process :)